God is so good!

He did it - He brought me through yet another crunch-time experience. Like always, this felt like the worst time ever. This post was originally going to be earlier in the week when I was exuberant about not only completing all these hurdles but doing so early - however, I ended up needing to do some last minute alterations after all. In any case, La Trobe University is finished!

Can I do it?

Two weeks.

On Friday the 29th of August, I will hopefully submit the last of the assessment items crowding this month's to-do list. Between now and then, I have to design a poster, assemble a teaching kit, make some kind of contribution to a debate forum, and catch up on four weeks of coursework for submission.

Two weeks.

I'm wondering, can I do it? Often I have found myself in the crunch and wondered if I would pull through one more time. I've stood at the foot of To-Do Mountain, thinking, this time it really is insurmountable, and somehow mustered the strength to push on anyway. Always before God has brought me through. Will He help me traverse this path again, or will He choose to use this mountain to teach me a different way?

Two weeks.

People don't seem to understand that I feel the pressure of work and assignments just as much as everyone else. They look at my past achievements and label me 'A'. What are you stressed about? they ask, almost as if to deny me any right to feel anxious, You always do well. To them, my mountain has a highway cut straight through the middle, along which I am able to slowly meander, carefree as can be. They don't see that I must in fact scale the cliff right beside them and trek the same rugged terrain. My past is only testimony to hard work, and even more so to God's work in me to bring me through.

Two weeks.

Those two words repeat in my head, rhythmic like a runner's feet pounding one in front of the other, over and over. As I run and climb this mountain, my body grows tired. My eyes feel strained, and my legs and shoulders ache and cramp. Keep on running, keep on climbing, keep on working, keep on, keep on...

Two weeks.

Can I do it, one more time?

In all things give thanks

I had the noblest of plans last year, plans which I was excited about, plans which were the best of plans, plans which would break the mould of my recent life. I thought they were plans God wanted for me (and in part they were). As it turned out, those plans were taken away by other unforeseen happenings.

I often think wistfully about those lost plans. In the strain of everyday life, I find myself wanting to be living out that alternate plan instead of being where I am. It's particularly hard when I watch my friends living those dreams while I am denied them.

In reality, these blessings were not thrown away, but simply exchanged for greater ones. God's plans are always bigger than our plans (Isaiah 55:8-9). These plans are harder to live out, but they are good. I am truly thankful, and I need to remember to be (1 Thess 5:18).

Building pictures

I've been thinking lately about the pictures we have of people. Intentionally or not, we store away little bits of memory about the people we meet. As you see people at action, you learn about their characteristics, likes, interests, values, abilities, etc. which all come together in this amalgamation I'm calling a 'picture'. Naturally, the longer you know someone the more in-depth your picture of them is going to be. (I think they call these pictures 'schema', can anyone verify that?)

Now, about our picture of God... How much of our picture of God has come from direct experience of Him (henceforth 'experiential knowledge') and how much has come from what we've been told (henceforth 'transmitted knowledge')? I got to wondering this after pondering some of the characteristics of God. Not many would argue that God is not loving, merciful, just, mighty, good, etc. But how many of these have I actually experienced directly in my own life, not just heard or read about? Do you think there is a place for both experiential and transmitted knowledge, or is one a 'truer' way of getting to know God than the other? For that matter, would you classify the Bible as experiential (directly relating to God, since His Word is living) or transmitted (learning about God from someone else, since it was written from other people's experiences of God)??? Or *gasp* could it be BOTH?!

I guess I'm leaning towards the idea that both are essential to getting to know God. We need to learn from others, because others have a lot of wisdom to share, and let's face it we all need help. Without it, our knowledge of God would be limited to only what we ourselves could experience or comprehend (don't know about you, but I sure don't know everything!). However, if we're coasting along only on what has been told to us about God, then we're not going to grow either. You can't have relationship with someone you're not experiencing personally. Otherwise you're just learning theological facts. It's an interesting exercise to try and identify just where specific ideas you might hold about God have come from...

Any thoughts???

I miss you, Omi...

My grandma, Omi, passed away this Monday, the day after her 84th birthday. Tough as us Germans are, one can only take so much. The fourth heart turn, along with infections, cancer and other body failure, took her life. It was so sudden, and my whole life feels like it's been thrown upside-down. You know in your head that they won't live forever, but your heart never really lets you accept that until after it's happened. Even now, I struggle to believe it. It's been a terribly hard week, and will be a terribly hard Christmas.

I've learnt three hard lessons this week...

1. You don't get a warning.
A year or two ago while on mission in Warrnambool, I had a dream that the family was all going off to dinner because it was the last meal we would have with Omi. She was going to die, and we knew the time, so we were having a goodbye feast. I woke up creeped out and crying. Often in life we have send-offs for people moving away or going on long trips. But you don't get that in these sorts of circumstances. We did get our goodbye feast with Omi (her birthday celebration), but we didn't know it was that at the time.

From this I've learnt that we all need to be prepared for two very big things:
a) Be prepared to face your Maker - are you really ready to do that?
b) Be prepared to lose your opportunities. You never know when the people you love will go to face God - have you told them all you can?

2. Don't delay obedience.
Along similar lines, we need to realise that - unlike homework tasks, assignments and projects - we don't have forever to carry out God's instructions to us. We need to be ready to jump up and do what God has said, with urgency. I'm haunted by the questions: What if I had prayed more? What if I had talked to her about God?

3. Your spiritual life needs to be constantly activated.
I went along to the physio on Wednesday and we began training my transversus abdominis (TA), which are kinda deep core muscles responsible for generally holding us up and together. Part of my problem is that these muscles are weak, and my body uses the 'action muscles' to do most tasks, hence they become strained or spasm (or something like that). The goal of the exercises is to train up my TA by 'activating' it more and more, until it becomes second nature to have it 'on' while doing other things and to be using it as it was intended.

Sitting with my unchurched family all week, I felt so disconnected from anything spiritual. As they talked about death, it was the first time I can recall ever hating my faith. My faith told me things I didn't want to think about. I wanted to believe what my family believed, because it was easier to bear. I struggled to keep my quiet time - I was afraid of what God might say to me. But, much like our TA, the spiritual side of our lives was designed by God to support the rest of our lives, not to play backbench. It was designed to be constantly activated. Like my TA, it needs to be trained up so that it can reach this point. When we try to rely on our own strength or substitutes for God, it's like relying on our outer muscles - we get strained and break-down. This means sticking to God in the tough times. It means being obedient to Him. It means living godly always, not just on Sundays or during your quiet time. [Interesting note: I would never have considered myself a 'Sunday Christian', but am I at risk of limiting God's place in my life to a mere window of quiet time each day???]


I wonder if I could use this for a 'sermon' some time?